I lived the most dependable life possible as a child.  Lots of friends, lots of fun, lots of creativity and great family life. A truly magnificant, safe, reliable and comfortable childhood was mine. 

After a successful end to matric I went to live in France.  Suddenly, after an extraordinary creative experience that went wrong, I became a mental health patient – diagnosed with manic depression as bipolar was then called. 

A journey of 3 decades started where everything fell apart, the very fabric of my life was torn. Shattered dreams.  Years and years of extreme suffering – in and out of hospitals, broken relationships, drug abuse, interrupted career and studies, self loathing, obsession with my illness and acute treatments like electroconvulsive therapy.

One day I could not continue anymore. In a moment of clarity I could no longer deny that I had bipolar and that I faced the greatest challenge of my life: how to escape the suffering.  How to manage bipolar.  How to dismantle the fear I lived with that this illness ruled my life.  That this was my destiny. 

I refused that this would not be my destiny.  I decided I would not do this anymore to myself and others.  I had to be the mother I needed to be to my child.  I had to leave the wounded 18 year old behind and step into the adult me.  I’m needed to learn how to ensure a life of stable and balanced moods.  And so my journey to a life reclaimed began.