Who I Am
I lived the most dependable life possible as a child. Lots of friends, lots of fun, lots of creativity and great family life. A truly magnificant, safe, reliable and comfortable childhood was mine.
After a successful end to matric I went to live in France. Suddenly, after an extraordinary creative experience that went wrong, I became a mental health patient – diagnosed with manic depression as bipolar was then called.
A journey of 3 decades started where everything fell apart, the very fabric of my life was torn. Shattered dreams. Years and years of extreme suffering – in and out of hospitals, broken relationships, drug abuse, interrupted career and studies, self loathing, obsession with my illness and acute treatments like electroconvulsive therapy.
One day I could not continue anymore. In a moment of clarity I could no longer deny that I had bipolar and that I faced the greatest challenge of my life: how to escape the suffering. How to manage bipolar. How to dismantle the fear I lived with that this illness ruled my life. That this was my destiny.
I refused that this would not be my destiny. I decided I would not do this anymore to myself and others. I had to be the mother I needed to be to my child. I had to leave the wounded 18 year old behind and step into the adult me. I’m needed to learn how to ensure a life of stable and balanced moods. And so my journey to a life reclaimed began.